resources for sex workers

advice & resources from Mistress Talia

Please note that when I make distinctions between ladies who choose to market themselves in different ways, I am passing no judgments on your choices. You must make decisions regarding how you run your business. Whether you are a lot lizard, an exclusive mistress who takes on only one client, or a dominatrix who specifically does not offer escort services, makes no difference to me personally. Neither do I care what your gender is, but for simplicity's sake, I am addressing this to female escorts.

As a long-time member of the BDSM community, I subscribe to the safe, sane and consensual code of ethics; as such, I hope you take pride in providing a quality service to your clientele, behave in an ethical manner and choose your risks carefully.

Quite obviously, I think you need a web site. ;) And I think no one is better suited to build your web site than me. ;) But I have a few other tidbits of advice and some thoughts on marketing and making your business a success besides the necessity of hiring me. My advice is not intended to be exhaustive, there are many other sites besides the ones I discus below. These are simply my opinions based on about a week of online research (conducted in June 2009), my discussions with sex workers I've known and my own common sense.

discretion vs. advertising

A sex worker has a dilemma in that she must make her availability known to potential clients, but doing so exposes her to scrutiny from law enforcement as well as causing an invasion of privacy contrary to the discretion desired by those same clients she is trying to reach. There is no good answer to this dilemma and each provider must decide what she is comfortable with, drawing her own lines in the sand, which may differ significantly from the choices others make.

In my opinion, one of the primary advantages of a web site of your own is that you get to choose the message you wish to send. This can be short-and-sweet as with the simple updateable site I offer, or an elaborate site full of your own writing and artwork to fully express your personality.

In addition to your own site, most providers will consider advertising in a wider venue.

direct advertising

There's a number of considerations in placing ads.

For example, a high-traffic site means more potential clients are exposed to your ad, but there's more competition amongst providers also. You might do better with a smaller customer base and less competition.

You also want to advertise where other providers similar to yourself advertise. Some providers are occasional, working a week or two here or there, versus those who go to much trouble to establish long-term reputations. Some providers offer an hourly rate, whereas others only see clients who schedule 4 hours or even entire days or weekends. There's a significant difference between the lady who wishes to get to know her clients in advance, conducting extensive screening for compatibility, and the lady who will not make appointments except on the day itself. In order for the clientele to have appropriate expectations of your services, it is best to advertise on sites with those who offer similar services. Indeed, some providers do not advertise at all, but choose to be "under the radar", gathering new clients only from referrals of their current client base.

You need to decide who you are and who your market is before deciding how to best market yourself. It is too late to decide you wish to be an "under the radar" type after you've posted on Craig's List daily for several months.

Following are some places to place either free or low-cost ads; I'm not recommending them for you specifically, but suggesting you check them out and see if they fit with the message you wish your marketing to convey.

Backpage.com: Charges a small fee ($5-8 or so) to review your initial ad, but then allows you to renew daily for only $1, getting you to the top of the list with each renewal. Ladies have told me they do very well with these ads.
CityVibe.com: Offers free CraigsList-type ads (you maintain the ad, repost daily, may be flagged, etc) as well as paid ads (3 pics, text, link back to your site) for $50/month or $100/quarter.
CraigsList.com: Ironically, Craigs List no longer offers Craigs List type listings. ;) CL has closed "erotic services" from free listings instead now offering an "adult services" listing or "therapeutic services" listing that must be reviewed ($10 cost) and can thereafter be renewed ($5). However, I have heard girls complain that CL hasn't gotten the bugs worked out; you can pay for an ad, have a CL staff member approve it, and still wind up with your ad flagged. Hopefully, they'll get it worked out shortly.
Eros.com: I have found that working girls highly recommend Eros ads. Prices vary by area, but start at around $100/month.
EroticHire.com: CraigsList type ads, but erotic only (no jobs, apartments, etc.) - apparently, jumping on the bandwagon since CL's problems, but no idea yet how useful this site will wind up.
EroticNorthAmerica.com: The pricing indicates that ads will be $40/month, but regular ads are currently free.
EscortPost.com: Free ads that you may update as often as you like and including photos.
Escorts.com: As a web developer, I've had a lot of time and energy devoted to SEO (search engine optimization) and as such, have to admit these folks have the best posible domain name! A profile is free, with upgrades at about $40/month. The site includes reviews, but this does not seem to be it's primary focus.
TazList.com: Another CL clone - ads are under $5.
ViceSisters.com: This site offers free listings including pics. I have been working in the online porn industry for a while and this honestly feels much more like a porn site than a typical escort site to me. But hey, it's another free ad.

review sites

Working girls seem to be of several minds regarding reviews.

On the one hand, a new girl starting out is helped by the buzz around reviews. You can gain a lot of new clients if the guys are chatting about you on the boards. Some clients, afraid of being ripped off, will simply not visit a new girl until others have reviewed her; these timid guys want to know you are what you say you are before they pick up a phone.

On the other hand, some review sites have criteria and voting scales that might not fit with how you wish to be seen by prospective clients. For example, on one site, even if you are a drop-dead gorgeous woman with exquisite physical skills, you are marked down if you do not offer anal sex. Or conversely, you are marked up if you do, even though what you offer one client may not be the same as what you offer another. I mean, let's face it, you are not Mcdonald's offering the same Big Mac to all comers.

Reviews are often written in a Penthouse-Forum manner that many ladies take exception to. Some feel that the discretion required in this business is a two-way street and absolutely forbid their clients from reviewing them, or only allow reviews on sites that are somewhat classier. This is not a problem even if a client betrays you as any of the review boards will be happy to delete all of your reviews on your request.

Problems are more likely to exist when you do want and are seeking reviews, and some scuzbag uses this as blackmail against you, threatening a bad review unless he gets a discount or outright freebie. Ladies who have scores of reviews over years are particularly vulnerable to this sort of threat. Many of the review sites claim to assist you in these matters, but outcomes have varied when companions complained. The sites exist for, and primarily benefit, the clientele, not the ladies.

On the other hand, be sure to report any inappropriate client behavior such as blackmail to National Blacklist to warn other companions about the problem with this client. (Escorting is no different from civilian dating in this sense: when men who behave poorly cease getting laid, they will cease behaving badly!)

If you choose to allow or actively pursue reviews as a marketing tool, I highly recommend you get an account on any site where you are reviewed and keep track of reviews made about you. This form of marketing can be a double-edged sword for you, so you need to keep on top of it.

Advertising can be purchased on most review sites, allowing you to craft your own message in addition to the comments of the reviewers.

TheEroticReview.com (TER) is probably the best-known and (IMO) crudest review site. TER's clients are it's paid customers and provide the majority of it's reviews.
1. They do not sell advertising to providers or agencies in order to avoid bias in reviews
2. If you get a free account, they allow you to post a free ad up to once weekly on their forums.
3. If you choose to link from your web site to your TER review, it would be potentially worthwhile to signup as a TER affiliate so you receive a cut of each membership you send to them.
4. If you have your own web site, you may submit it to them to be reviewed.
BigDoggie.net - The Big Doggie (TBD) is the primary competitor to TER with some differences, including that it allows providers to purchase accounts and has lady-only forums for providers.
1. A $20/month account allows you to post a directory ad.
2. Similar to TER, you can link to your own reviews from your site using an affiliate account, thus gaining a portion of revenue from web surfers who join the site.
3. They also offer banner or badge ads ranging from $200-$500/month.
4. Spotlight ads cost significantly more.
The Review and Posting Society (RAPS) is a review site run on forum software, confusingly located at aspd.net. Reviews include a public side for all and a private side available to members, similar to TER. In addition, there are provider-only sections of the site, similar to TBD. IMO, RAPS feels significantly different than TER and TBD; there is much less of an adversarial relationship between providers and clients; friendships in the forums seem genuine.
1. providers can post ads in the appropriate forums weekly
2. badge ads vary from $30-70/week; banners from $400-900/month
Datecheck is an alternative to review sites, in that members of Datecheck, both providers and clients, must be vouched for by current members or verified by Datecheck staff. In short, a client can't tell if you provide anal sex, but can make sure you're not a cop. A lot of agencies and independent escorts use Datecheck as part of their screening process.
1. Once verified, providers get a free listing on the site.
2. Banner ads can be purchased varying from $100-195/month.
Preferred 411 is a service similar to Datecheck, that provides verification services for both providers and clients. Verified providers get a free listing.
ECCIE.net - Escort Client Community Information Exchange is a forum with reviews and allowing a weekly free listing for providers. It appears to be aiming to be friendly to both clientele and providers, but is a bit too new to tell how things will shake out.
CityExoticReview.com is a smaller review site.
1. Any provider may add a free listing.
2. To add pictures to your listing, you must be a paid member at $20/month

other resources

If you are new to the world of online escorts as either a provider or client, there are a bizarre number of acronyms to be interpreted beyond the typical ones used on the internet generally. Here is a very thorough glossary of escort terms.
While researching escort review sites and advertising opportunities, I discovered The Review and Posting Society, which strikes me as a great place to ask advice of other providers and clients regarding marketing and other issues working girls face. I would recommend this site particularly to a newbie client or provider seeking a mentor or advice.
I particularly recommend All Star Dommes a forum for pro dommes and subs and their admirers.
For phone sex operators, I highly recommend The PhoneSex Space.
There are a number of member-only safety sites out there, but I am personally most impressed with National Blacklist which allows non-members and even search engines to view it's archives. This strikes me as much more useful than members-only sites. If a client behaves inappropriately in any manner, you might consider posting to the blacklist to help other girls remain safe.
Insider Escort Secrets is a blog with news, humor, and commentary. If you want to know the latest about the Craig's List Killer, whether Rhode Island is outlawing prostitution, or about the guy who filed for divorce after running into his wife at a brothel, this blog is for you.
There are a number of organizations working to improve conditions for sex workers, from the perspective of decriminalization, concern over safety, health and legal issues, as well as the simple issue of being treated as a human being with the same dignity and respect due to any other mother, sister or daughter. Several organizations that may be of interest to those of you of an activist bent include Sex Workers Outreach Project (SWOP), Prostitute's Education Network, Network of Sex Work Projects, Prostitutes of New York, The International Union of Sex Workers, $pread Magazine, and The Sex Worker's Project.

banner exchange

I'd like my banner added to your site like this:

Mistress Talia's custom web sites for sex workers

Here is the code to add to your site:

Once you've added the above code to your site, email your banner, link and anchor text to MistressTalia@SadisticDomme.com and I'll add your site below.